#i know i was weird abt orange side foreshadowing but i do Not plan on making more for this

[siren1song]

So!! I know I promised Roceit hurt/comfort when the video first came out but a few things came up and I haven't been able to.

But!!! Crowgan (@just-a-little-bit-gay-oops) made a very good point about Roman not meaning his harsh words and reminded me I was gonna write this.

A note that I'm on mobile and right now I'm tired so I don't really feel like including the taglist or all of my formatting. Also, I don't know if this is entirely accurate to the point Crowgan made bc I have ADHD and I can't focus on things with lots of a text sometime sksbdjd.

How We Fall Apart

Roman was so confused and upset and angry and any other adjective that could excuse why he acted the way he did.

They all could excuse it, but he didn't. He didn't want to have excuses, he wanted.

Roman wanted to apologize. Specifically to De-

To Janus.

But he was a coward. He was coward and all he was doing was hiding in his-

It wasn't even in his room he was hiding in. It was just an old dusty room that had Magnus faded out on the door.

That certainly couldn't be foreshadowing.

Either way, he was hiding in someone else's room and he was a coward and he didn't want to face Janus or Patton or Thomas.

Did he even want to be himself anymore?

"You know, I think it's incredibly ironic that you came here when you're feeling the way you do."

Roman jumped, head shooting up from where it had been buried between his knees to see Janus standing in the doorway, pulling his glove off and wiping a finger along the wall.

"Disgusting, I can't believe I let this room get so out of order," he muttered.

Roman decided to ignore that, because what was Janus doing here?

Janus looked towards him, and though Roman hadn't said anything, he felt like the side knew exactly what was going through his mind.

"I'm sorry."

Or not?

"For what?" Roman asked, wincing a little at the way his voice croaked, obviously hoarse from the crying he was desperately trying not to do.

Janus frowned, pulling his other glove off and tucking them both into his pocket as he approached Roman, picking his way through the mess on the floor.

Whoever Magnus was, he didn't really know how to keep his room clean.

"For saying what I did, though I'm sure you can understand I was… a little hurt by your reaction to my name."

Roman flinched this time, looking back down at his knees, eyes trailing the grayish tint of dust having gathered on the cuffs of his pants.

"...I want to say I didn't mean that. Reacting that way wasn't. It was a shitty thing to do," he said softly, reaching to start rubbing his thumb against the dirty fabric, pulling it back to see his thumb greyed with dust.

Janus was quiet, and then he was lowering himself to the floor.

"You want to say it, so why don't you?"

Roman buried his fingers in the carpet, staring blankly when he lifted his hand and it was covered in dust and grime.

"Oh, gross, why did you do that?" Janus said, wrinkling his nose and prompting a weak chuckle from Roman as he shrugged.

"I'm not as pristine as I thought, I suppose. Why say I'm sorry, that I didn't mean it, when I'm not even sure if I did?"

Janus hummed, but Roman continued before he could start again.

"And I don't think I did. But I also wanted to go to the callback and I was told that was wrong. And then my own decision was wrong even though I just wanted to help Thomas be the best he could be! So what do I know about how I feel and what's right or wrong?" 

Before Roman could continue on his self hating tangent, Janus put his hand over his mouth.

Janus put his own hand over Roman's mouth.

He must have seen Roman's confusion, because he gave him a shaky sort of smile that made him realize there were tears in both of their eyes.

"I'm not going to force you to believe in confidence you don't have right now, Roman. But if you say you didn't mean to make fun of my name when you were hurt and lashing out, I'm going to trust that."

Roman nodded, and Janus pulled his hand away.

Wiping his tears from his face, Roman hiccupped a sigh, then winced when he realize he'd just smeared the dusty grime from the carpet all over his cheek.

"I need a shower," he mumbled, and Janus nodded his agreement.

"Oh definitely, and I need to go process the fact that you guys… know my name now."

Roman huffed a laugh.

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be weird to adjust to," he said softly.

Everything would be weird to adjust to. But maybe Roman would still have someone on his side to help him figure things out.